I am a confrontational and strongly opinionated person. Many times, this combination of traits often land me in many interpersonal conflicts. Just few days ago, another conflict involving me and a colleague (who is also the project manager) arose.
At the meeting table, the project manager presented the quotations for a concert we are working on and most of us at the meeting thought that the figures he shared are absurdly high. Sensing something amiss, I requested for the breakdown of the concert cost and realized he was using vendors who were giving him ridiculous quotes. When questioned about his refusal to engage other more affordable vendors that is of comparable standards, he gave a limp excuse: He is more comfortable working with this current group of vendors.
When I offered to provide him with my vendors who gave lower quotes, he promptly refused without any reasons and abruptly changed the subject of discussion.
In my point of view, both parties have to be reasonable if they wish to resolve any interpersonal conflict. Ignoring a conflict like how this project manager did will not help in solving the problem. It however led me to believe that this project manager has another secret agenda for his actions. In my opinion, this project manager just wanted to use his own contacts to further his own career in this industry and I completely disagree with his work ethics.
What further aggravated me was the fact that this project manager went back on his words. I had engaged him for a private discussion months ago about a possible deficit and he had promised to take up full responsibilities if this happens. However, during the meeting, he blatantly wanted to change the ticket pricing from the previously agreed SGD$15.00 to SGD$20.00 to buffer the additional cost incurred. He dismissed this change as negligible and that the program lineup is justifiable for this hike. To me, this was a mercenary move. To build his own empire, he passed the stint of the absurd quotation to the organizing committee and the preposterous cost to the consumers.
I came to a conclusion that night that not all interpersonal conflicts can be resolved. If the other party is not receptive to the opinions of others and wants things his own way, there is little we can do.
As such, till this project ends, I will continue to follow my project manager's directives. (He is afterall my boss in this project) Personally, I will continue to do what I believe in - Dealing with everyone I meet fairly.
This project manager is still a good friend of mine. However after this incident, it made me realized we'd be better off staying as good friends.
After reading this entry, if you were in my shoe, what would you have done? :P
Also, please don't be intimidated by me. I'm still a harmless, friendly guy! Do add me in Facebook using the link at the right hand side of this blog and anyone wants to do the ES2007S project with me? :D
Hi Jimmy =),
ReplyDeleteI believe u have done the right thing sticking to your work ethics and treat everyone fairly. Now this is a rather sticky situation. You cannot offend your boss in any way and yet you have to get your message across.And even if your message has been brought across effectively, your boss has the choice whether to take action or not.
I feel you have done the right thing and I would have done the same.But sometimes it is common to have differing opinions in the working world, especially if the other party has some other agenda. Then, in that case, whatever you say becomes useless.
Hey Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteI agree that there does seem to be no way to resolve this without blowing the matter up further and compromising the project even more. Does he have any other superiors above him? If he does then maybe you could talk to him privately and point out that customers could complain, or his superiors could look through the books and start asking awkward questions. Since he is you friend after all, maybe simply talking to him in private where he will not 'lose face' in front of other people. Perhaps he may be more receptive to advice then.
Like Andrew says though, if he really has some hidden agenda then any action which threatens to shed light on it may be met with significant resistance. The only 2 options in that case would be to sweep it under the rug or to really thrash it out with him (after the project of course).
Hi Jim, thanks for sharing a very real workplace scenario. This does seem to be a very tricky situation, and one which could potentially cost you your job!
ReplyDeleteWhile you have discussed the conflict well, I don't quite understand the following:
1. You mentioned talking to the project manager about a possible deficit and he had promised to take full responsibilities should that happen - did he mention how he would ‘take responsibilities’?
2. You said that the project manager is a good friend of yours but that after the incident, it made you realized you'd be better off staying as 'good friends'? I am not sure what you mean when you said this.
I still remember the wise words from a principal I respect very much - a very open-minded person, she has a very unique way of managing the school. She recognized the fact that not every teacher accepts or resonates with her style of management and the culture in the school, and she shared openly that she would be alright should a teacher requests for a transfer (to another school).
Now this is not a common scenario you would see in schools, but after her sharing, several teachers did request for the transfer. She wrote them good reviews, acknowledging the fact that they are good teachers who just don’t share her vision. The teachers kept in touch with her after their transfer, and they continue to maintain very cordial relationships to this day. This, I thought, is a good example of how ‘agreeing to disagree’ may be the solution to resolving conflicts sometimes.
Jim, you shared that after that incident, you came to the conclusion that not all interpersonal conflicts can be resolved. Perhaps. However, think of it this way, that at times, a good way to avoid further conflict may be to 'agree to disagree'. If in the above scenario you cannot reconcile with the actions / views and / or culture of the person / organisation, then perhaps it is time to find another work culture that resonates with your principles. What do you think?
Hey Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteYours sounds like a pretty sensitive situation. I think one has to think twice before embarking on a course of action.
There is a possibility that the project manager may be acting this way due to influences from superiors. However, I feel that whatever the driving factor is, he should clearly explain the reasons behind certain decisions he makes so that miscommunication will be avoided.
I suppose if the project manager is a good friend of yours, he might be able to understand your concerns if you explain them to him. However, ultimately, you would know his nature the best. If you feel that he may not be very receptive to your comments then it might be better to comply to his wishes for this project and perhaps take another opportunity to explain your concerns to him.
Hope everything goes well with the project :)
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments!
Gerard: I totally agree with you of thrashing out everything after the project. As of now, there's no immediate superior I can report him against. If I do, it will be a big messy scene.
Ms Lim: The project manager mentioned that he will fork out from his own pocket if we're in red. He said this when we were in private, however it was being witnessed by another colleague. However, when prompted him to drop me an email, he refused. As for the good friend, I feel there are some people who can really be good friends with us. But perhaps due to our differences in working style, we often might come into disagreement at work - Perhaps in the case of the teacher-principal example you've shared. As such, I think to maintain a healthy friendship with him, it would be wise to stay out from working together with him. Finally, I define resolving interpersonal conflict as both party coming to a concensus. Hence, I think leaving an organization when I don't agree with their culture is not a good way to resolve a conflict. However, I agree that this might be a good move out of a very sticky situation. My two cents =)
I think the organisation should just fold up & end their business there.
ReplyDeleteNo business can carry on without a sense of cash-flow analysis.
I think you are pretty sensitive with regards to this area.
Join me in business anyday if i'm starting one. Very reliable over here :P