This incident took place 4 years ago when my manager and I went down to a Middle East Shipping company for a meeting. Despite being scheduled to meet at 10am, the person in charge arrived 30 minutes late. However being a Singaporean has it's perks. I am quite used to people turning up late for appointments. So, I was cool with the wait. My manager, who is a Swiss was however rather irritated.
Like many other Singaporeans, I offered a warm handshake when my clients entered the room. However to my surprise, both of them (both men), gave me a cheek kiss after that firm, business handshake. I almost squicked! Why did they kissed me? Why didn't they kiss my manager? I always thought Middle East people are supposed to be conservative and only French does cheek kissing.
As such, the introduction was very awkward for me initially. However, they were very cordial and I decided to brush off this incident as a difference in culture. (My manager later told me cheek kissing among Middle East men is common and is a way Arabians show hospitality - I wonder this is true till date?)
Throughout the meeting, the room door was open and the secretary was walking in and out, interrupting our session occasionally. This must be contrasted with how meetings are conducted by Singaporeans. Normally, we would shut ourselves in a room and focus on the meeting agenda till the session is over. Hence, I am quite distracted by the frequent walking in of the secretary. However, I think it is a norm for Arabs to multi-task because these businessmen seemed very good at it. They were able to focus back to the meeting as soon as they had resolved the short interruption.
Finally, towards the end of the meeting, these businessmen invited us out for a coffee session after working hours. Feeling uneasy with their warm reception, I declined their invitation. However, they were insistent and because my manager was around, I agreed to their request.
I have since maintained good friendships with them. From this friendship, I understood that the differences in culture could result in potential conflicts. When communicating with a person from another cultural group, our non-verbal cues such as facial expression and tone plays an integral part. In particular, we should not express outright disgust or disagreement in the event we do not agree with what people are doing.
A thumb rule we should follow when engaging folks from other cultural background: A smile a day when we speak keeps everyone happy for the rest of the day =)
Hi Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting experience here, highlighting the differences in mannerisms and meeting culture between Middle Eastern people and Singaporeans.
Like what you have said, understanding the differences in culture is important in preventing potential conflicts. And we should take note of our non-verbal cues when communicating with people from other cultural groups.
Understanding cultural differences and reacting appropriately to them is crucial. This prevents misunderstandings and possible discrimination from arising. Like you have accepted the cheek kiss and adapted to the meeting interruptions.
Another way is perhaps is the people from other culture to change their mannerisms and meeting culture to suit others, like what Mufeedha has mentioned in her post. So if the Middle Eastern people only gave you a warm handshake and had the meeting without interruptions, perhaps would suit you better. Unlikely that any misunderstanding will arise.
So it is either you understand other cultures' practices or people from other cultures change their practices to suit others.
Hi Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteI was not aware that they had such practices in the Middle East.Thanks for sharing!
I agree with Andrew. Understanding and compromise are very important when interacting with people from a different culture. And of course, in the workplace we will be working with people from different countries and getting along with our colleagues is very important.
It was good that you avoided any misunderstanding by making sure that your
discomfort was not obvious. And, it was really mature on your part to not judge
them because of their different norms. As you mentioned, once we understand their culture and get past our differences, we make really good friends and can learn a lot from them as well.
Hey Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteI did not know that the middle East had the cheek kissing custom. My only experience with that custom was with my Eurasian relatives. It is rather inronic that I had such a culture shock when meeting my own relatives for the first time.
It was very sporting of you to accede to their request for after work coffee, as well as to keep your cool during the cheek kissing. In such a global society, we are bound to meet people who have different cultures and customs from us. Preserving such intercultural friendships will depend strongly on everyone being able to take such differences in their stride like you did.
I agree with Aishwarya and Andrew that taking the trouble to understand other cultures is also very important. Tolerance is not a very practical long term solution in most cases. Only be understanding the other party and seeing things from their perspective will we be able to forge truly meaningful friendships with others.
Hey Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteI think you responded very well when you were caught unaware with the cheek-kissing. Not everyone would be able to take it in their stride as it is a distinctly different practice.
Being accomodating of foreign cultural practices will certainly bring one places in this globalised world. And being cheerful definitely helps :)
Thanks for sharing!
Hey Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you it's one way or another. And us, being educated individuals, who knows the consequences of inter-cultural differences should try our best to accommodate to the other party. (If it doesn't cross our beliefs)
Hey Aishwarya,
ReplyDeleteHaha! I learnt it the hard way! I remembered when I was in Primary school, I used to laugh at people from a particular race. Then one day, I was slapped by this classmate.
From that day, I recognized even the words we speak (though it doesn't seemed to bother us much) can actually cause great aftermath. I've became much careful with what I said since. =)
Hey Gerard,
ReplyDeleteAre you serious? Relatives?! Haha.. That aside, I agree with what you say.. Being able to put ourselves in the shoe of others is the first step to understanding them and to forge meaningful friendships with them =)